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Mr Edwards gives his 10 pence worth of opinion to the world and tries to gain what Andy Warhol promised us all.

Friday, October 31, 2003

Halloween then. I'm sorry but I don't understand why we get kids to dress up as scary creatures and try and scare old people into handing over sweets. Just escapes me that's all. Mind you, in Stoke I never answered the door to trick or treaters. They would start knocking on doors at least 3 weeks before the 31st of October and I would always ignore any knocks on the door and make my housemates answer the door to the badly dressed pikeys and let them take the rap for any potential eggings to our house.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Mark McGhee it is then. Happy with the choice I am. He's been there and won that and let's hope he makes it three in a row with the Albion.
Some other matters then. Got an e-mail from Friends-reunited today. Now I haven't updated my description for ages (still talks about me doing teacher training, we'll scratch that I think) but I had a look at my University year entry and i'll be frank, it scared me. Not as much as Ghostbusters opening sequence, but still a certain chill ran up my spine. I always thought that I knew a lot of people at University, that I was quite popular. I did acting, played records in public, belonged to a few societies. I only know 10 people out of 311. That's not a good percentage, I thought that I was somebody. I haven't experienced the giddy thrill of celebrity at all!
No, that's not true really. I was once stopped by a girl (really, a real live girl!) who congratulated me on my performance in a play I had been in the previous night. The best celebrity moment I ever had though, was when a small boy approached me in HMV in Hanley and told me that he thought I had been great in a play he had seen last night. I should have given him a pre-signed autograph but I wasn't quick enough. I do worry that I may have been looking at an embarrasing CD or video at the time. This seems to happen to me in music shops. No sooner have I picked up something by the Proclaimers or the DVD of "Pearl Habour" than someone says "alright Tom, what are you looking at?". Bad scenes, bad scenes.

Monday, October 27, 2003

Where did that hour go? Where did that week go? Important questions and I don't have any answers for them. Good news about the missing hour is that it's light when I wake up in the morning. Bad news is that it's pitch black when I go home. Freezing out there at the moment as well.
Look how long it's been since I last saw you. All "wins for the Albion". Not anymore it isn't. 3 defeats on the spin, including a 4-0 beating at Brentford. Not a good journey AT ALL. We need a new manager right now and I don't think it's going to be me.
Er what can I talk about at the moment? Paul Burrell? No, don't care about all that. Conservative party leaderzzzz, no not doing that. I know, let's talk about the 100 greatest scary moments on Channel 4 last night. Somehow the opening sequence to Ghostbusters wasn't in it. Well, it might have been but I did miss the first 15 moments. If it wasn't in then I ain't taking the results seriously. That opening scene scared the shit out of me and everyone else who was about 7 when they first saw it on video. If you claim it didn't scre you then you're either a liar or one tough bastard (probably with a gun) and I think it's best if we never meet.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

And that was the weekend that was. 2 more wins for Brighton and victory over those "dastardly" Turks (well not an actual victory in the sense of a 90 minute game, oh hell you get the idea). Yes Turkish defender Alpay is a gentleman, at least according to himself that is. I'm not sure if that's in the Jane Austen style. Can't imagine Mr Darcy sticking his finger up someones nose.
At least the media hype seems to have died down a bit. Christ is there anything more annoying than self-righteous broadsheet journos trying to be all intelligent and outraged about something they know nothing about. Oh yes, jinogisitic tabloid journos trying to act as the moral guardians of the nation. The same ones who pay women to f*ck footballers and soap "stars" and then write about it afterwards and pretend they're shocked. The day I listen to Richard Littlejohn is the day I drown myself in a toilet bowl.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Personal Ad Of The Decade
As found in the Canberra Times, Personals section...

'Wanted:
A tall well built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

Interested? Then please only read
lines 1, 3 and 5; still interested?
Call me at...... 8250-0327 “'

That made me laugh out loud at work yesterday. Haven't called the number yet, it's in Canberra and long distance relationships are very shaky.
He's gone then. Because it's dragged on for so long some of the bile has been tempered but not all of it. I still feel the need to punch John "hypocrite" Madjeski in the face. I tell you, all this rage building inside me, I should go and do some thrash metal or something. Would probably be better than the Spinal Tap tribute band. Those buggers have drilled themselves into my head with their latest track and show no sign of being evicted. That last Gareth Gates track did some drilling as well. If this goes on much longer i'm booking myself a head doctor.
Yesterday I booked myself a holiday for the first time in 5 years. Why have I only just discovered Ryanair? Oh yes I remember why, it's because I was a student for 3 of those years and therefore could barely afford the bus fare to the City Centre at times. There is an ulterior motive to this though. The main reason i'm going is to catch up with my second favourite football team in the world. They've had a bit of a rough time lately. After getting promoted to the top flight of German football they promptly got relegated 2 seasons in a row and nearly went bust earlier this year. I think there must be some psychological reason as to why i'm attracted to under performing teams. Better ask the head doctor when I meet him to discuss why the Darkness have drilled their way into my sub-conscious mind.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Rio Ferdinand forgets to take a piss because he's moving house, players threatening to strike, Leeds players involved in sexual assualt allegations, players involved in "rape" in London hotel (and no, I don't know who they are, honest m'lud), shady takeover deals, fightig on the pitch, fines and bans all over the place.

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN???

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Your letter was only the start of it, one letter and now you're a part of it,
Now you've done it, Jim has fixed for it you, and you and you.

There must be something that you always want to do, the one thing that you always wanted to,
Now you've done it, Jim has fixed it for you, and you and you and you ... ba ba ba ...

... ba ba ba ... Jim has fixed it for you, and you and you and you-ou-ou.

Just felt like getting that off my chest. How many other Jim fans are there out there? I only ask because the BBC is bringing back Dr Who and Jim'll Fix It has to be alongside it to restore Saturday night viewing. Bring Allo Allo back and we're laughing.
Not literally obviously.
Congratulations to all those who responded to my text message blitz on friday night. I was, as you might have guessed, ver, ver drunk. You are now included in a special group on my phone book called "people who respond". Well done! Watch out for free prize giveaways soon.
3-0 to the Albion on saturday then. "Say we are top o'the league, say we are top o'the league"! I don't know, Brighton never used to be this exciting. In the last few years we've diced with relegation to non-league football, won 2 championships, got relegated and gone through 8 managers in 6 years. Sometimes I long for a bit of stability, maybe next year. Then we'll go for the Premiership. Kudos to Danny Coid by the way. He scored one of the best own goals I have ever seen on saturday. Almost as good as that Plymouth defender scoring an own goal from 40 yards when we played them.
Derren Brown you cheeky monkey you! You fooled 2.9 million people on sunday night! Well you didn't fool me, I went to the pub. So you can stick you mind games in another empty "chamber". Still he's more entertaining than the Blaine who's attempts at going mad were mostly ignored. Anybody want to smuggle a gun into his box?

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Just when you think everythings going fine something like this happens. There have been many times over the years when i've wished that I supported a team other than Brighton. To lose one manager is misfortune, to lose 4 in 4 years is shattering. Still it'll give me the chance to send in an application. I'm on the verge of securing the South African league title with Ajax Cape Town in Championship Manager 4 and i've never been relegated in ANY football management game. Surely that has to count for something?
To lose a manager to Reading. That makes it even harder to take. Reading. I can't even find the words to express my disgust.
Reading is one of my 4 capitals of crapness. It is one of the capitals of the 4 most boring places in England. Reading is the capital of Berkshire, home of Bracknell, Basingstoke and Slough. The kind of place where imagination goes to die.
The other capitals by the way are Watford (Hertfordshire), Milton Keynes (Buckinghamshire) and Luton (Bedfordshire).
Still, amongst all this gloom I found something that made me chuckle. Especially the last bit.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Better now. Hopefully that's my cold out of the way for the next few months. Always good to get an illness out of your system early doors. You know, measles, influenza, that sort of thing. I'll tell you how I deal with a cold. Drink a lot of fluids and take a lot of drugs. Bit like a weekend really.
Albion win again. 3-1 was the score to the Seagulls. I meant to go to the game, had a ticket and everything, but decided not to risk it. The ground is 6 miles from the nearest station in Wellingborough and in order to catch the only train back to London I would have been dependant on a taxi turning up on time. You should never be dependant on a taxi turning up on time. Next thing you know you're stuck in the middle of Northamptonshire and you've got to go to work at 6. So I made a trade off with the omnipotent one. I'll accept not going to the game if Brighton win. Hey presto, the big man delivers!
There is a train of thought that says that I shouldn't go to any more away games but stuff that! My tickets have already been bought for trips to Bournemouth and Brentford this month. Following a football team on away games allows you to see the real England. Stick your Tower bridge and Windsor castle, the real England is Peterborough on a November afternoon.
Good to see that my second reader (Mr Paul Riley, Cheadle) was happy with his mention last week. He even sent me a text message! Now that's interactive technology for you. I might start dishing out some internet fame to some other people.

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